I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
