It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
