Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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