Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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