I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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