I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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