i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
