Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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