Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
