hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
