I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize