i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
