Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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