does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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