I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Never underestimate the power of titties
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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