She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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