You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ttyl tear gas
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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