So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
