I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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