No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize