There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
