They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
