I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
