she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
