you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
