4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
should my penis look like a turkey
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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