I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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