i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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