I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
