you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
