9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
