textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
