You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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