dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
