everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
