If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
