this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
