Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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