That's intense
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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