areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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