Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
