your thong is hanging out like whoa
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
