normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
