I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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