I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
