Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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