If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
