May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think people are normalizing furries
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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