She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
