What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
