Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
