Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
