whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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