this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
