The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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