When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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