He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
