i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
