I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
