I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
