My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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