There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
