she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
