I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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