Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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