apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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